I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
