:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
