Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
