Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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