Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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