On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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