I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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