you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
