WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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