dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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