They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
