So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
