I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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