you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
