Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
