A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
