And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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