I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
