I skipped work to stalk him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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