Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hippo gnu deer
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
