I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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