We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
