Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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