you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
