i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
