So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
