From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
