Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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