It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
