I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
