I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Someone signed my nipple.
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