I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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