Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
