I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
