He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
