careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
