how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
