please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
