Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
