so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
