How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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