Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
