oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
