I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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