We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
