just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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