I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
