The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
