The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
