So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
