just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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