so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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