I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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