He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
