She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
