yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
