it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
