mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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